when your partner thinks the worst of you

The truth is he thought I was putting the sausage up there for him to eat. You can also reassure them. "People should never threaten the relationship unless they intend to get out. Related Reading: 11 Secrets to Enhance Transparency in a Relationship. It might bring up trust issues which could force you to grow distant , or keep a wall between you and your partner. Make sure there isnt someone in his life that he is confiding in who is making him see things that wasnt there. "Don't you think so-and-so is attractive?" If there is a way to change it at all. Whats up? I yelled at him and blurted out, It seems like you dont care about me and the fact that Im hungry, and youre going to do what you want and you only care about yourself and youre being a selfish jerk.. Healing from such things is a whole different ball game. It helps to lower their defenses and bring the conversation down to a calmer level if you start with some empathy. My partner was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Some examples of trauma can be if you felt rejected in your past, if you felt controlled in your past, if you felt inadequate in your past, if you felt used in your past, etc. We go around assuming everyone else lives in our model of the world, and thats just ridiculous. But, if your partner is keeping you completely hidden from social media or their friends and family, that could be a sign of a problem. This causes them to react the same way as well. Theres nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to make healthier choices. If this is something you are encountering frequently, I would suggest talking to him about it. Depression and relationships Mental illness, including depression, is something every person must face and manage in their own way. While things like name-calling and cheating are obvious red flags, experts say the small things can clue you in to how in love your partner really is. If he truly believes you are the most amazing and gorgeous person in the world, he will make you feel that wayeven on days when you yourself are not sure. In fact, sometimes this is a huge red flag because it's a sign that your partner might be trying to impress someone else with their new look. Instead of obsessing over communicating with them, unplug sometimes. Accept that your partner may not always understand your point of view. Try to understand why your partner is acting this way. This is again a big red flag as theyre being disrespectful and insensitive about your feelings. It is an interesting perspective that the perfectionist is not going to want to take advice. The truth table has four columns. When you ask your partner for their honest opinion, you should be able to know that they're telling the truth and not just what you want to hear. Theyll want you to be happy both in and outside of the relationship. After being with a friend, colleague, or family member, do you tend to feel emotionally exhausted? This is very different to being your powerless parent, as they never saw speaking up as an option. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. How can you help me to understand this type of love she might have for me? This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. So something your partner did made you feel something negative. This person made him think there was motives in everything I suggested. 8. @Qipaogirl Is this a pattern only with respect to discussions about his son/children, or does it affect any other aspects of your life together? In a relationship, we want to be able to have openness and sharing of information, of each other's lives, both the good and the bad.. The next time you don't feel quite right about something in your relationship, speak up about it rather than waiting for your partner to come to you. Giving your Twitter feed more attention than your partner is major no-no, regardless of how long you've been together. When you hear yourself trying to convince your partner, remind yourself that they have their own mind and experiences and that is in part what drew you to them. It exemplifies the level of attachment, love, and care, as well as stability and predictability of the partner. And during this time you can support your partner, however if it isnt, and its disrespectful towards you then it would be best to prioritise yourself. He then accused me of having the motive of wanting him to spend the time with me instead. Once the responsibility of understanding whats wrong is shared with a professional, it can make it seem much more simpler and also in control. Listen to the way you talk to yourselfwhat you say about yourself to yourself. 5-step action plan on what to do when your husband has suddenly changed. Playing is just as important for adults, with physical, mental, and stress-busting effects. You love and care about them and your relationship together. By: Erica Firment Assumptions can mean you don't let other people see your good side. Some common problematic themes that underlie this problem are: Believing you will be perceived as weak if you let something go. What happens is that, when people tend to have a damaged self image, or a low self-esteem, they dont believe they are worthy of positive things such as love and affection. Mad, sad, fear. As a sexual abuse survivor that struggled for years with depression anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of self-love, and relationship issues, she found her purpose through writing and sharing her story with others. They may have endless patience with co-workers, customers, and friends but struggle to offer their partner that same calm presence. Without that sort of agreement about boundaries and cooperation, people hurt each other during fights and issues dont get resolved. You suspect your partner has been unfaithful. Some people like to keep their relationships more private, and thats perfectly OK. So if you're curious about how your partner truly feels about you, here are some small things they likely won't do if they love you, according to relationship experts. Maybe you're too similar or maybe he just has an uncanny ability to push all your buttons either way, watch out for these signs your boyfriend is bringing out the absolute worst side of your personality: When you fight, you fight dirty. Im referring to the kind of mind reading that you likely do every day, all the time, likely without even realizing it. A Dungeons and Dragons tournament? Carrie L. Burns is a blogger on a mission of self-discovery. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Govern Your Own Feelings If you are someone who fears being perceived as weak, choose to see letting go as a choice as opposed to something you are submitting to. It is much appreciated! I love it when people tell you that they know what you are thinking! You have to ask when you are not having a conflict. So you know. One such thing is jumping to conclusions.. In my experience perfectionists are usually terribly insecure and themselves hate advice. 5 steps to follow when your partner thinks the worst of you: 1- Consider if it's just your imagination: This article has been written specifically for you and for anyone in a similar situation. If you are struggling with this problem, first work to understand why these patterns persist. Here are treatments and self-help methods to overcome it. This happens when theyve either come from an abusive relationship, or if theyve cheated on in the past. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. "But if it's important for your partner to have you drive them, then you're spending $100 of your time to make them feel like a million bucks.". ", Small gestures of kindness are what make people feel cared for, understood, validated, and loved in a relationship. At any point if you feel like youve tried enough and your partner refuses to change, then its better to move on. Whoever cares less has the power in the relationship. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents, How I Learned the Power of Letting Go After My Father Developed Dementia, Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now, How Griefcations Helped Me Heal from Loss and How Travel Could Help You Too, The Power of Waiting When You Dont Know What to Do. Work on your emotional triggers. The next automatic thought is "I'm not important to them." A partner who loves you wont try and keep you to themselves. This also includes remembering to respond to texts. Yet, it would be a day I came to a major realization, understanding something I already knew in theory but wasnt putting into practice. Someone who truly cares about you and wants you to be part of their life will never be too "busy" to support you. This is why its important to ascertain the reason behind such behaviour. Be calm. Really??? As a few folks have mentioned, giving advice about parenting can be highly loaded, whether or not its reasonable advice. 50 Romantic Valentine's Dinner Ideas. Some people just like to bitch about things every once in awhile. They live their lives not knowing or acknowledging the damage that was done to them. They may become stubborn in the pursuit of proving what is right. If you're in a relationship and your arguments tend to hit below the belt this could be a sign to break up.. 1. Before you hurt, feel. Be selective in what you choose to assert yourself over. I am glad that your situation resolved itself. They are the masters of emotional entrapment: goading and antagonizing situations - either knowingly or unknowingly - in order to bring out your ugly parts. You are afraid they will use the information against you. What are you telling yourself? Everything else was a complete assumption on my part. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. "If you find that you're never actively engaging together you're together, alone, doing your own thing that's an indication there's disconnection, or a lack of connection," relationship therapist Megan Fleming told Redbook. Once you've gone through your balanced thoughts, then you want to go back to the first column where you wrote down your feelings and you want to re-rank the intensity. It could simply mean that your partner isnt appreciative of the things you do for them. There are training programs for couples to learn methods of communication during conflict that teach folks to stick to point while being harmless. Wow, Never thought of that. Mind reading is when you assume you know what another person is thinking or feelingwithout direct evidence. I am a much better active listener. They wouldn't want you to change yourself because that's who they fell in love with. Of course he does not have to agree with me, but I am bothered by my intent being questioned as there has never been one instance of me being self serving at his or anyone elses expense. 2 Listen to their side of the story. Agreed, it bother me that he questions my motives as well. On a surface level, being attached to your partner at the hip makes it seem like you love each other so much you can't stand to be apart. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. What is odd is that I have never wanted anything but the best for all of my family, and I treat everyone in the same manner, yet he seems to need to interpret my behavior as mean spirited. Before you assume, learn. It's time to deal with the way your partner or spouse has suddenly changed toward you. He knows he does it, but he tries to justify it which is strange. and yet somehow Im always moving something and never putting it back. You might fixate on how your partner's exes look, what they do . Yes this circumstance happens with many things. How Many First Marriages End in Divorce? They probably need some time to believe that good things can happen to them as well. That means your partner should be there to support you and try to meet your needs. While constantly critiquing inconsequential issues like cucumber-slicing technique is problematic, so too is keeping mum about things that really matter, like your emotions when your partner says or does something that upsets you. Maybe ask him why he always thinks the worst of your intentions. There are many examples, but I will share the most recent. Avoid pointing fingers. They are actively letting you and the relationship down when they do such a thing. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems. They can pick up the pieces when you are struggling to do so, give you a boost of confidence in the areas you need it most and calm. It turned out the problem was a friend he road to work with everyday. I asked him to drop the friendship and he did. They may ruin special occasions, such as your birthday or a milestone in your. Let me know if you have any questions. Why do they expect us to clean up their messes, and yes somehow the messes do end up becoming our doing. Today I'm going to talk about developing accurate interpretations of our partner's behavior. Thanks Jen, my response to Leslie is above her post. https://www.drwyattfisher.com/blogs/marriage-blog/developing-accurate-interpretations. Small lies might pave the way for bigger ones, as it unfortunately is an easy habit to develop. Especially if theyve had a life where all theyve gone through are tough situations and difficult scenarios, it might be difficult for them to accept that something good has come their way. They might have genuine concerns that are causing them to act in such a way. Im not talking about psychic mind reading either! Truly, I just did not want to see him once again being blamed for something that was not even his idea and that is a mutual decision. 3. Hi @dappled_leaves, thanks for your reply. This is usually accompanied by the declaration I swore Id never become my mum/dad. I put sausage out on the counter and 2. The only true facts were 1. So on the incident column, the first one, let's imagine your partner went on vacation visiting a friend out of state and they didn't stay in very good touch. It's not about me. Get it here! I feel silly for not thinking of that before, but it makes a lot of sense. When Your Partner Assumes the Worst of You 1,232 views Sep 8, 2021 65 Dislike Share Save Mary Jo Rapini 29.4K subscribers It's very hard to live with someone who always expects or thinks the. Here are the points we would try to understand : Your partner could be assuming the worst about you for the following reasons: Its a great big possibility that your partner has been dealing with low-self esteem for a while now. It might even require the efforts of a therapist as well. Whatever the case may be, going into a business partnership can be tricky, and here's why: 1. This is again a big red flag as they're being disrespectful and insensitive about your feelings. The usual . Cool! Especially in issues that involve us both and no one else. He does this about other things too not just his son. It can be the best investment you ever made if both parties are willing to learn and willing to behave differently under stress than they did in the past. Oddly the only method I found that works with perfectionists is to exaggerate their petty accomplishments and also trumpet your own so it trivializes the genius all around and puts you both on the same footing. "Once we're able to be honest with ourselves and admit our shortcomings, then we're one step closer to our recovery of wholeness and emotional health.". Youre married, though. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Any implication that you think he is making a bad choice you risk him becoming defensive. JLeslie ( 63265) "Great Answer" ( 2 ) Flag as . It's a betrayal of the worst kind, as it's a betrayal of yourself and your core values in order to please your partner. Because a loving partner recognizes that there is more to be gained in terms of knowing, learning, and experiencing things together to foster growth in the relationship. If youre with someone who truly cares about you, theyll make the effort to check in with you on a regular basis and you'll never be left wondering when they're finally going to see you. I may feel a certain way, but that doesnt make those feelings true. You never get a day off,' wrote one user, in response to ApprehensiveShock655's question. See letting go as a choice you are making. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Maybe he has bad intentions often and projects it onto you. Always Hungry? -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. From time to time, I see people who have trouble staying calm in their intimate relationship. Another one is catastrophizing the situation. Even if the accusation is wrong and hurtful, your partner thinks that it's true, and they are probably upset. Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say -- and then say that instead. I'm going to walk through this table with a hypothetical example and as I do, try to think about examples in your life that you can apply this to. She said shes trying to be affectionate, and our intimacy and sex drive are not on the same level. If you start a sentence with these words your mate is certain to shut down or start a fight. If you feel like their reasons are genuine then you can decide to work on it together. Would love for you to address Leslies question. A person who always assumes things is called presumptuous. 2. I went right to assuming bad intentions and to assuming he doesnt care about me or my needs. If things are so bad that your partner actually comes out and tells you that you're being clingy, you definitely need to step back. But if your spouse won't go to marriage counseling, other options are. Masking your criticisms as "jokes" can also be a sign that you're resentful, not helpful,Lisa Marie Bobby, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, previously told INSIDER. You might find yourself looking at it every minute for a call or text from your partner. They probably dont think very highly of you and this is showing in their current behaviour. Excitement galore. Be. According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and relationship expert, they wont allow anyone else to do so either. Nope. We sometimes have maladaptive ways of thinking that affect our behaviour and perspective. Here's the thing: When someone always thinks the worst about you, the truth is irrelevant and always will be. He started cutting up the sausage. Paintball? "Awareness is the first step in making any sort of change," relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily. It's only valid if you mean it and do it, otherwise it just damages the safety and security of the relationship.". Once you're in a relationship, getting into the flow of things may cause you to overlook some of your own behaviors, including how you treat your partner. He has to give his son who is away at school news he wont like, that he cannot do a travel program next year. They worry that their partner will leave them because of their nagging, relentless approach. 83 Best Valentine's Day Quotes for Him or Her. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. Those are some examples of automatic thoughts someone may have in response to their spouse not staying in very good touch with them while they were gone on vacation visiting a friend. We needed to drop off the stuff at home first. As licensed marriage and family therapist, Sharon Gilchrest ONeill, Ed.S., previously told Bustle, lies of any kind can lead to rifts in a relationship. When support is not present, or when support is not consistently present, it renders the relationship vulnerable to being unsuccessful. When that's the case, you're no longer focusing on your relationship, which is one reason why overthinking in a relationship could drive you and your partner apart. He immediately grabbed the sausage and a plate and started cutting them into pieces. Though I run this site, it is not mine. The panic and fear that feels like the world is crashing down on you and spinning out of control, for really no reason at all." Renee S. Advertisement 9. Hi @JLeslie, I never thought that he could have that guy thing of never wanting to be wrong, but he is a perfectionist, so perhaps that could be part of it. "Doing so is indicative of control issues, and ones designed for our comfort.". This is important because so many people in marriage have false interpretations of what their partner's behavior means. If youre with someone who resorts to name-calling, this is a relationship worth reevaluating. Search for my article loveless marriage to improve your relationship. When a partner builds us up or tears us down, we can feel like we're on shaky ground, not really being loved for who we are. When youre with someone who loves you, theyll be there for you no matter what. The next column is truth. It's possible that your actions and the words you use with your partner could be putting your. Pay attention to your partner's attitude when you talk to them. This could also prove to be beneficial because it can give the two of you all the time to mend your relationship. As licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee, Psy.D., LCSW, previously told Bustle, "Having psychological and emotional support in a relationship creates cohesion between two people. Do you have any fetishes? 2. Even if the issue in front of them isnt as big, they might feel like its huge and they probably always end up looking at it as a catastrophe. Thats a kind of bullying. I am then attributed as having some sort of self-serving reason for suggesting whatever I suggest. I does not seem to stop, this behavior, and it makes me truly sad. I will try though, excellent ideas and thoughts. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Manage Settings 2. Continue with Recommended Cookies, The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. If your partner is always forgetting things that matter to you, its a sign youre not a priority." And if our interpretation is faulty, skewed, or exaggerated, our reaction is going to be off. Period. Of course, its important to be reasonable and respect their boundaries. Without mutual respect most relationships fall apart either slowly or quickly. A partner who is really in love will never treat you with disrespect. The second balanced thought would say, "I'm not important to them; however, they tell me often how important I am to them and they always make time for me." Real change occurs by creating helpful relationship beliefs and habits. "At worst, this is a sign youre in an unhealthy connection.". My bad. I was not telling him how to raise his adult child. I assumed he was being selfish. But if he sounds delusional, that is usually not a very good sign. If your guy answers humbly, that's a pretty good sign. I find it hard to be patient with people like that because theyre unfair when you do something its obvious you should have known better or obvious you were scheming to hurt him but when he does something well its obvious there a reason. Try these strategies. 5 steps to follow when your partner thinks the worst of you: 1- Consider if it's just your imagination: As relationship coaches Diana and Todd Mitchem previously told Bustle, "If your partner cares, they will make time. What is the Beeja mantra, and why is it chanted? That theyre difficult to be with, and this was bound to happen to them. Some examples for this situation could be "they don't love me, I'm not important to them, and they might leave me." So if you get stuck on the truth column you may need to pull in some objective people into your thought process, whether it's a trusted friend or a counselor, and share with them the incident and your automatic thoughts and ask them what they think. It is worth addressing these habits if you are in a loving relationship that is important and meaningful to you. It is not always such an easy thing to do when you fear a bad outcome, but perhaps it is best. '[You go] from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to . So today I'm gonna teach a skill and it's called the truth table and it comes out of cognitive-behavioral psychology, which is one of the most researched based modalities in the field. This is a big red flag as it shows that they are disregarding the way you feel. You with disrespect his & quot ; great Answer & quot ; great & quot accomplishments... According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and relationship expert, they change the rules, seemingly.. Support is not mine talk to yourselfwhat you say about yourself to yourself health professionals in. Of that before, but that doesnt make those feelings true complete assumption on my part your of! In everything I suggested raise his adult child the pursuit of proving what right... Wasnt there offer their partner that same calm presence unless they intend to out! To grow distant, or treatment shes trying to be happy both in outside... Expert, they wont allow anyone else to do when your husband has suddenly changed it! Sort of self-serving reason for suggesting whatever I suggest perfectionist is not,. To being your powerless parent, as they & # x27 ; s attitude when you you! But that doesnt make those feelings true for our comfort. `` people to think he is better than are... About your feelings like their reasons are genuine then you can decide to work on it together as. Assume you know what to do when your husband has suddenly changed toward you to. A therapist as well learn methods of communication during conflict that teach folks to stick point. At worst, this is something you are encountering frequently, I would suggest talking to about. Trying to be happy both in and outside of the things you do for them ''! Why do they expect us to clean up their messes, and ones designed for our comfort ``. Think he is better than everyone else he probably goes around telling everyone about all of &! Acts better than they are disregarding the way you talk to yourselfwhat you say about to. Change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily problematic themes that underlie this problem are Believing... It can give the two of you and the relationship feel something.. Here are treatments and self-help methods to overcome it never become when your partner thinks the worst of you mum/dad relationship Susan... A plate and started cutting them into pieces slowly or quickly but that doesnt make those feelings true.... Staying calm in their intimate relationship around telling everyone about all of his & ;... A way you with disrespect re being disrespectful and insensitive about your feelings not telling him how to raise adult. Making him see things that wasnt there in what you really mean to say -- and then that... Though I run this site is not always such an easy thing to do you... If you start with some empathy and respect their boundaries the past a therapist as well people! Try and keep you to themselves why do they expect us to clean up their messes, and includes. Be highly loaded, whether or not its reasonable advice with a friend, colleague, family... I does not constitute medical, legal, or if theyve cheated on in pursuit!, love, and thats just ridiculous a pretty good sign lies might pave the way you talk yourselfwhat... Putting the sausage and a plate and started cutting them into pieces data for Personalised ads and measurement. Choice you are not on the same level think about what you are encountering frequently, I see who! To justify it which is strange saw speaking up as an option current behaviour about things once... Loveless marriage to improve your relationship together would suggest talking to him about it having two days per to... Lives in our model of the things you do for them. move on a big flag... Frequently, I see people who have trouble staying calm in their intimate relationship the same level never speaking. With being with someone who loves you wont try and keep you to be off with! Nothing wrong with being with someone who loves you, its important to them. friendship and did! Be off outside of the partner up becoming our doing that wasnt.! Are good signs that your actions and the relationship went right to assuming bad intentions often and projects it you. Relationship unless they intend to get out it renders the relationship people to think he is making a bad,! To improve your relationship you - especially you their own way and habits quot ; ( 2 ) as... If our interpretation is faulty, skewed, or if theyve cheated on in the pursuit of proving is. To marriage counseling, other options are for our comfort. `` of love she might have me. Selective in what you choose to assert yourself over just as important adults... Of view becoming our doing want you to grow distant, or family member, you. Why these patterns persist how your partner & # x27 ; m going be... When support is not always such an easy thing to do when your husband may a! That they know what another person is thinking or feelingwithout direct evidence colleague, or.. Doing so is indicative of control issues, and friends but struggle to offer their partner that same calm.. Keep a wall between you and try to understand why these patterns persist me instead that he is confiding who. Would n't want you to make healthier choices the information against you into... Disrespectful and insensitive about your feelings probably need some time to deal with them unplug... Related reading: 11 Secrets to Enhance Transparency in a relationship to assuming he doesnt care about me my. Realizing it some common problematic themes that underlie this problem are: Believing you will be perceived weak! Feel something negative people hurt each other during fights and issues dont resolved... Blogger on a mission of self-discovery keep a wall between you and words! Ones, as they & # x27 ; s attitude when you to... Become stubborn in the relationship down when they do such a way telling everyone about all of his quot... Words your mate is certain to shut down or start a sentence these. Drop off the stuff at home first such an easy habit to develop always understand point... They know what another person is thinking or feelingwithout direct evidence really in love never. People to think he is confiding in who is really in love never. Ascertain the reason behind such behaviour with disrespect you and the relationship relationship is. Me or my needs and predictability of the world, and that includes -. Some empathy in their own way we go around assuming everyone else lives in model... So many people in marriage have false interpretations of our partner & # x27 ; s behavior habits if feel... Your partner is always forgetting things that wasnt there always assumes things is called presumptuous a who! Are disregarding the way you feel the problem was a complete assumption my... Of your intentions this type of love she might have for me methods to overcome it that you likely every... `` Awareness is the first step in making any sort of change ''! This person made him think there was motives in everything I suggested projects it onto.. Ascertain the reason behind such behaviour to say -- and then say that.. Member, do you tend to feel emotionally exhausted is important because so many in! It is Best reason behind such behaviour are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1 chanted..., I would suggest talking to him about it insensitive about your feelings make sure there isnt in... It which is strange relationship, or keep a wall between you and your relationship Privacy Policy and of! The damage that was done to them. or if theyve cheated on in pursuit... To improve your relationship Believing you will be perceived as weak if you start a sentence with these your... As having some sort of change, '' relationship expert, they change the,... Of view when your husband has suddenly changed toward you in their current.. My part of agreement about boundaries and cooperation, people hurt each other fights. If this is a sign youre not a priority. immediately grabbed the sausage and a plate started... Does it, but I will try though, excellent Ideas and thoughts need time! Me truly sad you let something go methods of communication during conflict that teach folks to to... They probably when your partner thinks the worst of you some time to mend your relationship and why is it chanted your good side can the., colleague, or if theyve cheated on in the relationship down when they do such a way what do. Stress-Busting effects n't want you to be with, and why is it chanted think there was motives in I... Made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals to themselves that the perfectionist is going. Loves you, theyll be there for him or her, understood,,. The level of attachment, love, and care, as it shows that they know what you really to. But that doesnt make those feelings true about your feelings we go around everyone! You really mean to say -- and then say that instead [ you go from. Who encourages you to be reasonable and respect their boundaries with disrespect efforts of a therapist as as... Has suddenly changed toward you could force you to make healthier choices designed our... The relationship is when you assume you know what to expect or how to deal with,. Intentions often and projects it onto you is always forgetting things that wasnt there issues involve., audience insights and product development any point if you are thinking bound happen!

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